the myriad thoughts that rapid-fire in my mind

i use to think that i'm a person who's tactful with my words and actions; this is because i noticed that i'm always getting feedback from my listeners by judging their expressions. every movement of their facial muscle combined with their gestures seem to tell a story.

however, i soon realized that i was wrong.
maybe i am tactful erm..most of the times? ...but not always.
during conversations nowadays, i realized i've learnt to take a few seconds for some thoughts, before i respond. i learnt that its good to be watchful of what is said or done, lest you hurt someone's feelings without your realizing. (although i was usually more spontaneous or should i say straight-forward with my words; i somehow agree that being a tad more careful with words among new acquaintances might safe your ass) well, it's better to be safe than sorry. you don't what to know what some over-sensitive or petty people might do to get back at you for what you said.

anyway, my point is, i discovered that i'm a natural observer.
as soon as i enter a situation or a place, i will begin to observe the people around there. from their posture, expression and gesture to their reactions; and if i have the chance to observe longer without being noticed, i'd listen (not eaves dropping since their conversations would be loud enough for a listenning ear) to their dialogue. from there, i'd make my own judgement of the person.

for instance:
i was having lunch at Bugis Street restaurant in gloucester, london. as my companions were busy chatting away, a whining sound caught our attention. we saw this chinese family of four (mom and dad, a daughter, maybe 7 to 8 years old, and a son 5 or 6 years old) on the table next to us. the boy was crying and whining, pushing away everything in front of him. the mom and dad's attention were all on him, both trying to pacify and appease him with some snacks on the table. didn't seem like easy, 'cause the boy never stop whining. since there wasn't a fuss from the daughter, i vaguely remembered her sitting quietly as she watch the three in action.

it turns out, the boy was hungry as everyone in the small restaurant could hear the man half raised his voice to order for the food to be expedited as he claims his boy was starving already. the man pointed out that the other table's patron who came later than them has already been served their food. the poor waiter apologized and scurried to the kitchen.
(this is just an example of some of the people i observed)

i watch. and i lose myself as i'm prone to do, in wondering about people.
who are these people? where did they come from? are they doing the right thing? what causes them to do what they did? is it their background? what were other people thinking about them? did they care? are they happy or sad? what was the little girl thinking as her brother always seem to get all the attention? how would she grow up to be like? and the boy, is he going to grow up to be a stubborn pain in the ass? or would he pick up good habits and change as he grows up?
questions like this move through my brain like rapid-fire; i'm barely aware of them.
many a times, i can exhaust myself with my own inner catalog of questions and possible answers.
it came to an extent that i caught myself wondering about the stranger at the mall or the old aunty in the bus, when it was already time for bed. i wonder if it is the same for other people.
do they think and wonder as much as i do?
do you?

i have a tendency to experiment for responses from friends; especially new friends whom are more shy and introverted, and those whom i think are extremely careful with their words and actions. these are the people who share very little about themselves. i'm still trying to find out and understand why - the human behavior. hence, it always seemed like a challenge to me, to make them feel comfortable when talking to me, to share a little more than they would a new friend, that they would come out of their 'protective shell' and talk to me like they would their close friends.
but don't get me wrong. of course i'm sincere, and it's not any silly self-challenge quest.