changes

are they good or bad?

i know i'll think they happened for good, sometime in future...

D.E.S.S.E.R.T.S .am.i.

apparently, to most people, sex seems to be the first resort to destress. when you rant about how stressful work is to your colleagues, they'd tell you: "go home and have a good one. you'll feel brand new tomorrow." that, or, if your colleague has been a bitch at work one day, you'd say: "she must have not gotten laid in a whole long week."

i think, no. sex or making love (to show some respect to the act) is only a temporary relieve from the on-going stress. yes, when you're at it, you get transported to another world/heaven/hell/the in-betweens, or wherever, you name it. but that's only for as long as it lasts. in the end, nothing but your endorphin level changes, and you still return to your routine.

hmm...who am i kidding now? aren't all forms of destress-ing strategies just a temporary diversion from the root cause of the problem? so there goes. i have to contradict myself within a minute- ok. so maybe de-stressing strategies like the one mentioned above does help a bit, in some ways. but it ain't gonna help me this time around. i need a permanent fix instead of a momentary relieve. if i went on allowing myself this sort of diversion, i'd be relying on it forever, like going round in a loop and never tackling the core of the anxiety-causing problem. i know the solution, or i think i know, because i've been procrastinating trying it. yeah! i know i deserve feeling like shit, down with this self-caused stress.

i'm not gonna name the cause or solution but let me use this analogy to liken my situation: today, i have a pile of clothes waiting to be folded before being stowed away in the closet. i put them aside because i have other 'more important' things to do, eg: spending time with my sister, going to the gym, brainstorming a new recipe etc...like real! what's more important than facebook-ing and hanging out with friends. so, tomorrow, i have another pile of clothes on top of today's pile because i'm meeting some friends to go for a breakfast, lunch, and dinner buffet. and the following day, my schedule will be too packed with mani, pedi and facial appointments to tend to that piling clothes.

hence, with the buildup, the burden gets heavier each day. of late, it has come to an extend where i feel it in my body, see it in my face. on the body, it's a strange kind of hot flushing sensation at my back, right through the chest area. on the face is are ...sigh...unmentionables. not even the world's best concealer can do its job. sigh x10,000.

this whole stress thing has been bothering me, being at the back of my mind in the day, and haunting me in my dreams. today, i said, E.N.O.U.G.H! or rather, i went to 'find answers'. here are some that i remembered:

#1 claimed most sophisticated, up to the minute, cutting edge science is self-healing, eg: exercise, healthy diet and regular sleep, none of which is anywhere close to my 27 years 15years (maybe the first 12 years when i wasn't put in charge of my life, i might have had a healthy diet and regular sleep) of daily practise.

#2 "work in a career you love" - i've been plotting my next move since last year. let's not go here 'cuz this just might be the root of the root of my stress.

#3 having the me-time, doing the things you love to do but have not made time to. prioritize them and enter top 5 items in daily calendar - hmm...i shall ponder on this right now. in random order,

item1: go to the park by the beach. indulge in my favourite novel.

item2: go to the park by the beach. cycle while listening to my favourite songs.

item3: go to the park by the beach. have a picnic.

item4: ...(stuck at item4 for 72secs) maybe it's too late to think of more. maybe i'm just easily contented. but i can't be doing all these 3 everyday. i'll get sick of them in no time. maybe i'm not easily contented after all.

(ting! *lightbulb lights*)

item5: turn out the lights. light some scented candles and scatter them around the room. fill the room with slow soothing jazz. play sudoku. or take a bubble bath.

after so much of blabbering; if i think i need order in my life, do you think it's just an excuse for an escape?

people i meet

...at my work place.

it's possibly the many short turnarounds that i've been doing off late, that inspired me tonight.

i shall start by saying that, being in this job, i meet more people than i would in any 9-5hr's job.

to prove that, let us do some simple (or not) mathematics.

on an average 9-5 job, we meet our familiar circle of colleagues on a daily basis, every weekday. say, you work in an MNC that has 200 employees in the state where you work, you probably meet/interact with at most 20 people from your department and other departments that you deal with daily. and you will continuously deal with the same people each day, with possibly an average of 1 or 2 new faces each day, if you're handling a new project or if we assume a higher than average turnover of employees in your company. therefore, with 20 same faces plus 1 or 2 new faces you meet in a day, can we make a rough estimation that you will meet at most 30 (20 old + 10 new) people in a week? hence, can we conclude, 60 people in a month [20 old + (10 x 4weeks)]? yes, we can.

where i work, i meet new faces everytime i go for work. (is it a good or bad thing? it's gotta be a deliberation for another time) only in rare ocassions do i meet a familiar face. and even so, it's not easy to put a name to that face.

simply because:

1. we meet too many people. (we'll do that 'simple' math in a bit) OR

2. we might have met this familiar face 1 week ago? (possibly still fresh) 1 month ago? 1 year ago? 3 years? (that's probably too long to even trigger the mind to think 'familiar', unless the person has left a somewhat lasting impression by being either too damn good looking or too damn ugly!..or..the list could go on)

here's the math:

- each time i go to work, i will meet at least 10 people* (22 at most - but we shall do the math based on the smaller number). so let's give an average of 16 per day-at-work. [(10 + 22)/2]

- say, i work 8-9 times in a month, that would be 16 x 8 = 128 people in a month.

(*the number refers to colleagues only. excluding customers whom we would have interactions with - some of whom end up being our pen-pals, friends, close friends, boy/girl friends, spouse)

that is a whooping double...the amount of people an average worker meets.

now, give yourself a pat on your back if you've read this far and manage to grasp 70% of what you've read.

i'd say it's...a good thing..not a bad thing ...it's an eye-opener. to meet/work with different people - people of different nationalities, colours, ethnicities, and upbringing that sets us all apart but brings us together to work as a team (supposedly).

i say so because, it is not the difference in our language or our beliefs that brings us down as a team, but the multitude of attitude noticeable in different people working in the team. from my 3years of experience, i've seen both extremists in the people i work with; from the sloth to the hyper and everything in between. the sloth wouldn't be bothered that his/her colleagues had to cover his job while he sloths away, sitting around, pigging-out, or being M.I.A somewhere. the hyper wouldn't be bothered that he/she drives a slave of everyone who works with him. he's over obsessed with the black and whites of company rules and regulations. he breathes down the neck of colleagues by expecting everyone to work by the book instead of working with practicality and common sense. and hence, he soars in his job in the expense of his teammates.

it is a good thing we do not meet these extremists every time, yet still have them around. the former, for obvious reasons. the latter; so that we appreciate the kind and understanding souls we work with. though, this only applies to my job. if you had a direct-reporting superior who breathes down your neck for 8hours every work day, i wish you self-control and perseverance.