"was that a self-proclaimed day-off???"

..., asks guilt-ridden me

yes, i'm asking for it

gimme more stress! bring it on!

i've been deprived of it over the past 3yrs or so.

and now i'm out with both arms stretch-out wide ready to be thrown with S.T.R.E.S.S!

this is just what the heart and brain needed; extra workout eg: pumping, sprinting/racing for the heart, and overhauling for the rusty, mushy brain to reboot and start reprocessing, after having been in the idle state for a fairly long period of time.

it's just not enough that i'm an over-thinker already. i'm asking for more to think about and worry for.

i signed up for S.T.R.E.S.S in nov'09 so that my days will not only revolve around:

- flights (where i'm heading next)

- rosters (when i'm heading where)

- passengers & colleagues (people i meet, say my hi's and bye's)

- nail-painting

- face-coloring and...

- bun-tying

so, instead of just the above, i'm now juggling between all-the-above, with road shows, briefings, meetings, discussions, brochure-editting, presentation file preparation, market research, presentation speech preparation, marketting, printing & lamination, and running about to run these errands. how interesting! and i don't mean this with any sarcasm. it has indeed been interesting knowing that my intel core i processors are not shelved away to collect dust.

so, no complains here...for the time being...except that it has never occurred to me/never had it crossed my mind that this part of my life - i've had to be walking under the burning 3pm sun in a 3-inches high heels for several hours, and that i have, on a few occasions, had to munch a sausage bread for dinner, while sitting by a roadside pavement in a carpark. and, i have to repeat, i'm not complaining. i'm just sharing the things i'm going through, the events in my life i never pictured myself in.

just wish me the best of luck, will ya

tonight is one of the nights...

...when you dig into the pits of your memory, and indulge in reminiscence

changes

are they good or bad?

i know i'll think they happened for good, sometime in future...

a self-motivated walk.jog.cycle to/at the park

i surprised myself yet again.

first, for having a sudden urge to go cycling at the park out of the blue.

i was in bed surfing and basically doing nothing productive when the thought crossed my mind.

and since it looked like the sun was not gonna come out from its hiding until it sets, it was fairly easy to coax that lazy ass to get off the bed. and i did!...successful drag myself up - so that is second.

and third, and most importantly; for a record-breaking first time, i brisk-walked and jogged all the way to the park...alone, which i'd normally hail a cab or take a bus to. tsk tsk tsk. *pats my own back*

what else can i say.

"good job, kel. keep up the good work".

fourth, when i finally reached the park, i was sweating as if i was standing in the shower. okay, that's exaggerating. but i've probably only perspired like that...erm....say...twice in my life.

but it's all worth it; for the view i got, the air i breathed in, for the feel-good...yeah, it's the feel-good factor again. i felt alive!

caught this while i was cycling. quality of picture could be better. the actual view was 10times more breathtaking than this. use some imagination.

what's fifth?

i thought i was gonna take a cab back home from the park. but guess what? i got a FREE ride back. weee!

*************************

"where there is a will, there is a way"???

yes it worked this time. but how come it never worked when it came to the books? sigh...

(oh, this kinda post should not end with a sigh)

anyways.

.wish me luck.

will tell you what it's all about...someday

*pray pray*

mirror, mirror on the wall *bash bash*

low and grey clouds, with a chance of teardrops and a thunderstorm

*******************

i stand before this piece of reflective glass.

i focus elsewhere but the forehead.

my focus drifts back to those hideous bumps - not two but too many that i thought if i did not count the exact number, it wouldn't cut me that deeply. but i guess it makes no difference. i'm crushed already.

i want to cry out loud. i want to smash the glass. literally. i want to conceal those loathsome monsters. but what good does it do? NONE. and in fact, all the more harm instead.

i'm devastated. and you won't understand.

i'm desperate, knowing there's nothing much i can do but watch on and pray for an improvement.

*in the black hole*

i'm falling down. down. down. down....down...i'm so far down. i look up. it's all just pitch black. and more darkness beneath me.

***

let me stop thinking.