push. push. push...and i managed.

yes, i did it again!
35 on the stepper: 35 on the threadmill.
5mins of progress respectively.

after a sumptuous breakfast buffet at the brasserie this morning, i went out to Penny Mart to get some goodies to bring back home on my next trip back. came back to the hotel to surf the net and buried my nose in the novel for several hours before hitting the gym.

it's been exactly 10 days since the last work out. so i didn't push myself too far when i first got on the stepper. got the ipod music playing and began from a speed of 2mph to 5, back to 3, and maintaining speed there, then gradually pushing to 7, 8 and then 9. too fast! i almost got pushed forward when i tried to slow down too abruptly. went back to 4 and 5 and maintained.
30mins was over without much of a struggle this time. pheww~
summary of stepper work out: 10 laps with an average speed of 5.49mph in 35mins. not bad. not bad at all.

took 3mins off walking around, surveying the gym equipments. checked out the speed this caucasian man was on, on the threadmill: 12.5kph!!! madness! when will i ever get there. (this is rhetorical)

on the threadmill - started with an incline of 1.5% - 2.0% with speed of 5.0kph. brisk-walked while holding on to my novel, and when i look back on the machine's screen, 15mins had passed. whoa, wasn't that some good distraction? put my novel down and changed speed. jogged at 6.0kph and ran at 7.5kph. pushed myself to jog and run for 5-7mins. i remembered the first time i was on the threadmill, 1 min of jogging at that speed felt like forever and i could feel my organs swapping places. this time, i could focus and control both my breathing and tension in the muscles. tsk tsk tsk~ i certainly am seeing light at the end of this journey. *pat pat*
last 5mins on the threadmill, speed was steadily slowing down to cool me down. body is perspiring profusely. my damp clothes hanged on me. but i felt GOOD! apparently, it only takes a little coaxing, motivation, and dragging that lazy ass off the bed/chair to the gym, and the feel-good effect is a 1-hr money-back guarantee.
summary of threadmill work out: 7laps with an average speed of 5.37kph in 35mins (including cool down period).

with my favorite playlist on the play; instead of seeing trees and building pass me by in a blur, i 'saw' flashback of memories triggered by each songs, flicker like an old film before me. yes...that's how sentimental i get even when working out.

ok...its dinner time now that i've skipped lunch.

pushing the limits

woke up in GMT+5:30 today.

stayed to laze in bed with my nose in the book for an hour or so.

for once, before the tummy started growling, swung myself off the bed to wash up. then snacked on a pick-me-up bar, a hotdog bun and a cup of hot milo. and, before the determination ran weak, i changed into my gym gear (oh, doesn't this sound new?) and headed to the gym downstairs. did the stepper for 30mins followed by another 30 on the treadmill. burnt over 50Kcal/5mins. that's what the machine says. don't be laughing at this amateur gym-goer.

and since i'm blogging about my first 'steps' in the gym, i better make sure i follow through with more 'steps' in this 'journey' to stay fit...and 'stress-free'. *wink

kelly is listening to...

leave right now - will young

the one with the sick cat and an amateur nurse

alarm went off at 11am this morning. it's time to haul this lazy ass off bed. washed up and checked on sis before heading for groceries shopping with a growling tummy. came back SGD30 poorer but 3 bags-full, tummy's still growling. unloaded the stuff on the kitchen top and nursed that noisy tummy with strawberry yogurt and banana. sis seemed to look better and temperature dropped from 38.1 deg last night to 36.4 deg this morning.

with a happy tummy, i began with my day's task - to cook bee hoon soup for sis. after another successful 'first-time' on a new recipe in the kitchen, the day fast forwarded with me slacking with my lappy (as usual), eating, making more food, eating again, cleaning up, check on sis (looks fine), indulging in a tub of haagen dazs macadamia (tempting her to get well soon), and other insignificant stuff.

msn tab blinked for attention. sis says: temperature hiked to 37.5 deg. feeling feverish again. aiyo~ besides resting, drinking lotsa water, more visits to the loo, taking 6grams of effervescent vit c twice a day, keeping room ventilated, and letting the body perspire, i couldn't think of anything else. then i remembered i had some sorta cooling pad, supposedly helps to reduce fever.

found it but it was unintelligible. had to google for the instructions since sis argued that it needs to be refrigerated. 'gongs' sis. trying to confuse me. luckily i know how to google: http://headaches.about.com/cs/management/gr/be-koool.htm

- dinner time -

the one about birthdays and wishes

祝我生日快乐: Wish me a happy birthday

我知道伤心不能改变什么
Wo zhi dao shang xin bu neng gai bian shen me
I know that sadness will not be able to change anything
那么让我诚实一点
Na me rang wo cheng shi yi dian
If that's the case, then let me be honest a little bit
诚实难免有不能控制的宣泄
Cheng shi nan mian you bu neng kong zhi de xuan xie
To be honest that's it's difficult to avoid an unruly betrayal
只有关上了门不必理谁
Zhi you guan shang le men bu bi li shei
I can only close the door and ignore the world
一个人坐在空的包厢里面
Yi ge ren zuo zai kong de bao xiang li mian
Sitting alone inside this empty space
手机让它休息一夜
Shou ji rang ta xiu xi yi ye
Let the cellphone rest for a night
难,想切割切掉回忆的画面
Nan, xiang qie ge qie diao hui yi de hua mian
[So] Difficult, [I feel like] cutting off all the frames of memory
眼泪不能流过十二点
Yan lei bu neng liu guo shi er dian
These tears can no longer shed past Midnight
生日快乐 我对自己说
Sheng ri kuai le wo dui zi ji shuo
Happy birthday, I said to myself
lf蜡烛点了
La zhu dian le
[As] The candles are blown
寂寞亮了
Ji mo liang le
Loneliness lit up
生日快乐
Sheng ri kuai le
Happy birthday
泪也融了
Lei ye rong le
Tears are melted away
我要谢谢你给的你拿走的一切
Wo yao xia xia ni gei de ni na zou de yi qie
I want to thank for all that you gave and took away
还爱你带一点恨
Hai ai ni dai yi dian hen
Having to love you still, carries a little scar
还要时间
Hai yao shi jian
Only time
才能平衡
Cai neng ping heng
Can heal the wound
热恋伤痕
Re lian shang hen
Passionate love leaves painful traces
画面重生
Hua mian chong sheng
As the picture replays
祝我生日快乐
Zhu wo sheng ri kuai le
Wish me a happy birthday

googled the lyric of this song that was dedicated to me during a ktv session on my birthday - and voila, it comes with the pin-yin and a not-so-accurate english translation, but explains the song to a 'banana' like me nonetheless.

what a sad song. how to have a happy birthday like that? when emily and ruth were singing the song, i was picturing myself with one lonesome candle on a puny cake, celebrating my birthday in my room with my forever friends teddy bear...aiyo~ poor me.

but of course, the truth was far from that drama. it was in fact a happy celebration of my 27th (ouch!) birthday. on top of an early celebration with my closest friends and lotsa greetings from my dearest family and friends, i had a surprise mini celebration before the clock striked 12.

some say it's a girl thing. i want to believe it's an individual grounding and idea; (sounds better, doesn't it?) the fact that birthday wishes that we make before blowing out the candle(s) on the cake on the real day has better chances of coming true, or is at least more justifiable. don't you think? if it's a birthday wish, and it's made on any other day, then it's not a birthday wish anymore. period.

anyway, banters aside, thank you all for the wishes. i had a wonderful birthday.

living with ants

guilty as charged. i just killed a batallion of ants. it seems i've been doing this almost every time i come home from a long flight...yeah, with a can of Shieldtox in hand, i'll go ant-busting in the kitchen, and end up having to clean up the mess and every pots and pans and all other crockery that might be covered with Shieldtox, lest i end up poisoning my housemates.

damn! they're still giving me the creeping itch all over. *scratch* i just hate them creepy crawlies. and when you get them swarming all over the wall *brush* and corners of the closets (good thing it's the kitchen cabinets and not my room)...you just want to get the hell rid of them all.

*swat* now i'll need the expert to come looking for their breeding nest and wipe the entire colony off, once and for all. and before that's done, i'll probably snap a picture of these disgusting pest when they start venturing out in their troops again. wait up for the photos and we can *scratch scratch* together.

FREEDOM at last...

got my test result today and as the title suggests, the door to my cage has finally open.
what more can i say.
thank you for keeping me in your prayers.

-------------------

i once stumbled upon this quote while surfing the net, and i thought it'd be nice to share. so, here goes:-

“Do not spoil what you have by desiring what you have not; remember that what you now have was once among the things you only hoped for.”
-Epicurus (Greek philosopher, BC 341-270)

the limit

initially, it feels all right just being in the room. it's a comfy place no doubt. i could spend hours on my lappy. and now that i have a new game to keep me occupied, time could really fly.

but...(here's the inevitable 'but') after almost 22 hours of complete shut-out from the real world, i'm beginning to fidget on my seat, staring at the phone as if willing it to ring. it seems the virtual world of the internet can only help that much.

why aren't they calling me??!! call me! call me!

at least let me know the outcome, whatever it may be. i had enough of waiting. how can they keep someone in suspense for so long. especially when it is with regards to the person's health.

2 more minutes to 7pm. and the nurse told me they'd call 'by 7pm'.
ring phone, ring!

my in-room catered lunch

lean meat porridge with baby carrots, apples and strawberries, a cup of manuka honey drink

my first meal specially prepared by dear sis.

THANK YOU...MUAXX

what a day

spent an entire day in clinic and hospital.

been down with a bad sorethroat that developed into the flu since i came back from london 2 days ago. thought i'd rest one full day and be up and running again the following day. but, no. wasn't that lucky. nose-block got worse during the night, had difficulty breathing and sleeping.

woke up after noon, had a bread before going to the clinic (luckily). timing myself to be back in approximately an hour or so after the consultation, i throw my laundry in the washing machine to wash, thinking that i'll be back home as soon as it's done washing to hang them out. then i left for the clinic.

as part of the procedure, i was asked to fill in a form pertaining to my whereabouts in the past 2 weeks and my current health condition. since i just came back from london, one of the city that is categorized as an affected area for local transmission of h1n1, i had to be isolated from the rest of the patients in the clinic.

from then on, everything feels abnormal...never have i been through any of these situations before. so, i've no knowledge whatsoever to prepare myself for anything ahead of me.

the doctor came into the 'special' room that i was put in, and did the usual stuff; check temperature, check throat, check breathing and then he showed me the list of affected areas and told me that he will have to send me to the hospital for screening of the h1n1 influenza since i was just back from the UK, with the flu. i was especially stunned when he mentioned about arranging a transport for me to the hospital.

i ask, "what transport?".
he said, "an ambulance".
"can i just take a cab there?", just trying my luck.
but of course, i know i was being ridiculous. it's a procedure and it's all over the news already.

i sat there in the room wondering how it's like to be in an ambulance. how embarassing to be walking into one...

was asking sis over sms, "will there be a brown paper bag for me to put over my head?"
sis says, "yeah, you probably need one so that if any reporter wants to interview you, you'd be glad you have the bag on since you don't have your make up on."
damn! is that all i am, a vain pot?

...it's a different story if you're on a stretcher. anyway, let's not go where it's sensitive. no one wants to be in an ambulance.

i waited for 3 to 4 torturing hours within the four walls of the room.

ambulance finally came. got the weird eye from passer-bys. what an awkward moment. glad i had my spectacles and the face mask on. but even if i hadn't, no one would know me. it's just a sense of security knowing you're masked.

to cut a long story short (although it's already long enough), will let the pictures do the talking...(promise to take better pictures next time)

civic ambulance welcomes you on board

for those who has never been and will never be in an ambulance...it's creepy being in here, imagine what the interior has seen...

and here's the temporary set-up for patients with h1n1 symptoms. the ambulance drop-off point is right outside here instead of the usual A&E entrance. it all feels so alien to me. but the doctors and nurses are nice and caring. imagine the long and stressful hours they have to endure...and then they still maintain that warmth. 10 points for them.

this will be the holding area where patients wait for their medications, results, or an ambulance to bring them back home

each patient gets his/her own table 2metres away from another. as you can see, the patients' area is equipped with a bin for your used-tissues and other trash, a bottle of sanitizer, a box of tissue and an attendant call-bell.

and on the surface of the table is this note. read.

after a few more hours of waiting, i was sent home in another ambulance. was told to be put on home quarantine. meaning, i'll have to isolate myself from the general public until the hospital informs me of my test result which is out within 8-24hours. in this case, as i'm staying with my housemates instead of my family, it's just right that i do not leave my room so to not have any contacts with them.

funny thing is...(i still find it amusing even though this is all suppposed to be taken seriously) i have to lock myself in my room and sis will 'deliver' food to my 'doorstep'. i'll open the door. retrieve the stuffs. close and lock myself back in.

lucky thing is...i have an attached bathroom in my room. otherwise, there'll be additional precautionary steps to be taken to answer nature's calls instead of the usual few-steps.

from small talks with the attending doctors and one of the hospital staff, i gathered that at least 700-800 patient's suspected with the h1n1 flu are sent to the hospitals from clinics all over singapore for screening, each day. with this overwhelming number, it's no wonder why the ambulance took 4hours to reach the clinic i was at. i just hope that they'd have standbys for emergencies. one thing i discovered from this whole experience is that the asian countries are well prepared for pandemics like this ever since the catastrophic SARS hit. we can only hope that the current situation doesn't get worse.

NOW that all is said and done, it's bedtime for the sick cat.

this one small part of my life called contentment

half the day has just passed here in london but it's one of the nicest half-day already.

why?

had the food i've been craving for - gold mine duck rice...mmmm yummz..taste still ingers in my mouth...*burp*...mmm...i can grow fat with this indulgence...

will i ever get sick of it if i get to have duck rice everyday? i don't know about this. but i guess you appreciate the things more when you have to work hard for it, eg: having to walk an approximate-13-tiresome-hours to finally get to enjoy a nice huge portion of tender succulent 'ngap-pei' (duck leg) with rice...*slurp*..makes me salivate just typing it..sigh, why have i never snapped a picture of this awesome meal? i'll try to do it next time around...when my mind manages to slot in 'take a picture' over 'savour the meal now' on its priority to-do list.

apart from the duck rice, the before and after serving of a bowl of pork rib steamed soup and a plate of sweet and juicy cut oranges makes the 3-courses meal a to-die-for meal. i could walk several more 13hours...

after filling up a more than contented tummy, went for a walk at hyde park. the weather was GREAT. cloudy skies + cool breeze + the lush green and bright blue combination of colors makes me wanna sing and skip along like a child.

along the way, something caught my attention. it was a profound sound made by this 13-feet tall tree as its leaves ruffled in the strong wind. being medium in size, the sound was indeed thunderous..like a forest within a single tree. i had to stop in my step to check it out. hmmm, wish i could share this on video but unfortunately, i got too carried away.

apparently, nice weather makes happy people. i could sit in this soul soothing sunshine for hours taking in this naive beauty of nature.

so there you go, yummy duck rice and a nice walk in the park (and how could i forget, a great company cum camera man)...makes half my day.
i'm grateful for life.

- more picture updates soon -

the slow death of you

my lappy either almost died on me or it was transforming...

ok..it was probably the transformer trailer that got my mind sidetracked. but it freaked me out with the sound it made as i was busy typing on notepad. i was so stunned by that strange sound that i didn't know which button to press when i brought out my handphone to record the sound. i thought my hard disk was going to die on me, again. and there was nothing i could do. the sound was like a small engine running. and the only time i hear noises coming from my lappy was when my hard disk really KO-ed. but from my knowledge, hard disk makes clicking sound...not this engine-running kinda thing. will try to post the sound clip once i find out how (IF my lappy survives a few more days til i get back to singapore). it's scary. crossed my mind to call the technical support toll-free line but realized my 3years complete cover warranty has already expired. damn!

the other strange thing is the 'engine stopped running' when i pressed CTRL + S on notepad. but what has the notepad application gotta do with sounds coming out from the left-hand side of my lappy? sigh...

is this a sign telling me that it's time to let my poor donkey R.I.P and get a replacement now? "nooo..", says bank account and pocket.

a walk in the past

a few nights ago, i was reading my diary - dated some time since 1995.
it was really interesting reading a young girl's thoughts and rants; and for it to be my own past that i've shelved for more than a decade, i had some mixed feelings as i read page by page.

it felt as though i was reading a book about a girl i don't know as there were many entries that shed new light to the way i saw things in the past - most of them i did not remember happened. so, as i turned the pages of my yesteryears, reading mostly 'puppy-love' stories, i was excited for this 'character' in the book, hoping what 'she' hoped will come true, and feeling 'her' disappointment when things didn't turn out right.

and yet in a bizarre way, a strong sense of being a 13 or 14-year old in my old school shoe enveloped me as i went back to school of the days gone by. my clear-cut and unadulterated description of the events painted an almost flawless picture of the past that i can just walk through and recall things as if it was happening right then.

i started reading at around 2am. i knew it was late so i thought i would read a few pages and go to sleep. but i couldn't stop at any page as i needed to know what happened next. and i'm anxious to go back and feel what i felt. for a moment, it felt as though the diary was some kind of time machine - this reminds me of the movie, "the butterfly effect"; except, i could not go back to change the past and affect the present. i can only fantasize and imagine how things would be IF:
he had had the guts to walk up to me and ask for my number
i had offered more than just a smile
- "silly thoughts" but how can you blame a dreammaker.
anyway, i am glad things are what they are now. no regrets.
the only thing i regretted is not writing more entries; but, looking at the brighter side, i am glad i wrote at all.

in restropect, it seems obvious that my peers have influenced and shaped the most part of me from my teenage days up till today. when i reflect on how i have changed and grown in these 10years or so, i could point out how certain events of the past have made me what i am today. but when i read and noticed how i had over-reacted to certain petty issues, i had a good laugh at myself. i compared myself with my cousins around the age of 13-15 at this present moment and wonder if they too are going through some of these similar events and encounters, and how it might affect them.

all of a sudden, this plain paperback diary that has been lying in a remote corner of my drawer (in my room back in penang) has become a top-10 most precious item that i would keep close to me as a memento. i will try to make it a practice to jump on my new found time machine to take a walk in the past every few years or so, to ensure that a past as memorable as this will not be shelved at the back of my head until forgotten.

maybe 10years down the road, if this blog is not closed for whatever reasons, i might have some other form of 'time machine' to come back to today. (hmm, talking about this, i have a sudden urge to print and keep a hard-copy of this blog. and i should probably start writing more frequently...and, keep it private)

the gift of solitary

the music's playing
wind's blowing
i sat by the window
closed my eyes
imagined the clear blue sea before my eyes
imagined the waves beating the white sandy shore
imagined the cool sea breeze
feels good to loose myself for just a while
let my thoughts run free
transport myself miles away from this reality

***and let time pause***

opened my eyes
and reality hit me
i could see a bit of green
but that is of several puny trees and plants
standing aligned at the perimeters of tall buildings
i look into the windows
wondering if i might spot someone looking out the window
someone just like me
finding a solitary moment

NO. who would be doing that on a tuesday afternoon?
most of all, who in their right mind would try looking for a solitary moment by the window of their hdb flat?
isn't that pathetic?

but who cares? as long as I FEEL GOOD! even for that few minutes....

tonight's menu - one choice (eat or don't eat)

let me present to you,
tonight's sumptuous dinner

from left to right: coke float, seedless grapes, grilled teriyaki chicken & spagetti accompanied by greens, cherry tomato & sunflower seeds.
(spagetti sauce made with traditional spagetti sauce, bacon bits, strips of honey baked ham and french onion)

hmm..considering this as one of my first few steps into cooking, this is one of the few times i manage to get all the proportion right, from the teriyaki marinate to the amount of spagetti needed for 3 pax. i'm happy with a job well done :D

***********

the day started around 3.30pm. woke up and told myself, today is a day for a tad of house work.
washed up. made the bed. unpack yesterday's bag (came back from perth yesterday morning). brought some clothes to wash. tidied the room & bath. planned to cook some dish and soup for dinner. but sis wants spagetti.

was starving since i woke up. so before heading out for the food stuff; i had some crackers and a hot choc. jot down a list of things to get from the supermarket, then headed out.
it was raining cats and dogs...but i was 'determined' to cook today...haha...big deal huh?!

sometimes, it feels great to do this at your own pace. when i do things like this alone, i feel so at ease; with no one to pressure or rush me through my shopping, i can put my mind on what i really need (or change my mind as and when). i was wondering what vegetables i should get for the greens. initially decided on broccoli. so, i took a broccoli to weigh. after throwing in a few more items into my cart, my fickle mind decided that salad would be better than just broccoli. i apologized and gave the broccoli back to the lady. i half expected her to give me a scowl, and thought twice about leaving the bag somewhere remote; instead, she smiled and say, "of course. it's ok" - (genuine smile. i know)

took around 20mins going up and down the aisles of the small 'supermarket', and then i was done. i realized i've got 70% of the items in my list, added 20% more that wasn't in the list, and changed 10% of the items (quite a good improvement for little miss fickle today)

not going to describe the detailed process of my cooking since it was quite simple. but the whole time, i was imagining myself as nigella lawson in the kitchen - with the cool spontaneity and a little bit of grace. i felt good!

for once, i was not as clumsy and nervous as i used to be with the pots and pans, and the low and the high of the stove fire.
a little improvement to record!
thanks for guiding me along, nigella...

but before i celebrate this small progress, here come's the most important part of this all;
LET'S HEAR FROM THE JUDGES:-
sis says:
GOOD! just nice a portion to fill the stomach and to crave for a tad more.
there was a "good chemistry between the spagetti sauce and the cheese" (whatever she means by that; as long as it means GOOD).
dear says:
overall, a good improvement among all my cooking that he's tried and tasted.
though, the chicken was a bit tough.
maybe it's the breast. or maybe it's the chef.

anyway, cheers to a day not-wasted...

it's been a while...how was your day?

but i think...

...this is what little miss chocoholic needs most now...

little miss chocoholic is getting a toblerone-fever!

mmmmm~ i'm lovin' it

a healthy & eventful sunday

yesterday was quite an eventful day for a lazy person like me.

unlike any of my days off, which i usually idle in front of the computer, sis and i went to pasir ris cc for an hour of badminton with jang, emily's thai housemate. literally sweat there, as theng was only playing for 15-20minutes until she gave up. i rested for only around 10minutes - a good improvement considering the fact that i just came back from a 13hours flight the day before. usually, i'd be lying in bed or idling like a sick dog for at least 24hours, after a long flight.

after that we went groceries shopping at west plaza before heading back home.

bought some spare ribs, baby kailan, cherry tomatoes, chinese herbs (for soup), chopped garlic, onions and other stuff. had some leftover prawns, fish, mushroom and vege from our steamboat dinner the other day. so decided to make steamed fish with mum's asam fish sauce, fried omelette, chinese herbal soup, and fried kailan.

planned to cook dinner for the house but i did not inform them before hand...so i later found out that FL was on vegetarian diet that day. and YP was about to go out for his DOTA dose. all the food for two. we surely won't be able to finish them. so YP decided to leave later. i immediately started cooking around 3pm for an early dinner. (FYI, i haven't been cooking for months. and more so, my cooking has always been an amateur level. hence, i was stressed) i sweat as though i was playing another round of badminton. everytime i cook, i worry how people will think of my cooking. whether it's too salty or too bland, too sweet or too bitter.

after 30minutes or so, i finally cook up 3 dishes and 1 soup, with theng's help.

YP bought 2 packets of steamed rice & a packet of deep fried pork from west plaza after much haggling, as the stalls weren't keen to sell plain steamed rice without you buying their dishes.

we had our early meal. my right hand was shaking all the time (either from the badminton or cooking, i don't know)

anyway, here are my dishes:
(will take better pictures next time)



cook white fungus drink with red dates today:

after the meal, sis and i went to white sands library & then back home for the night's rest.

you must've had quite a day too...