angel vs devil

these days, angel's been keeping me on track;
doing the right things,
saying the niceties,
thinking the positives.

but...(there always has to be a 'but')
devil has planted a poison deep in my roots.
there's this negative thought that i can never kick.
i've always believed that everything will come to an end.
someday, somehow.

when you're having a good time, you know, that slowly, but surely...
it will come to an end.
and then it's time for pay back; for all the good that you've been luxuriating.
of course, vice-versa.

however, when in bad times, the problem looms as big as the universe.
we feel as though the whole world has tumble down upon us.
hours seem like days, weeks seem like months.
we are stuck 'forever'.
although, truth is, it will be over, sooner or later;
but, the light at the end of the tunnel seems like a long long way to reach.

hence, now, as i'm indulging myself, thinking happy, being happy, flying with time;
i silently fear the end of these days, as the clock ticks by.

my precious

days off in singapore are so precious.
i can't bear to sleep them away.

even when the body is screaming to shut down, the mind just can't stop firing thoughts and plans and errands...and...nothing-ness...(shucks, what's my mind trying to do to my body?!)

closure

....closure. we all seek it. we seek the end of things and also the beginning of new things. those things we can't find closure on, they haunt us. they pop up in our dreams, they creep into our thoughts in idle moments, like a mind-bender that's beyond our mental capacity, a mystery that just won't be solved.... "

lets start from here

at times when the feeling is strong, the thoughts and words just seem to pour out from every pore on my skin. but when the feeling is not fed, left neglected, i soon forget those clouds in my mind.
but if feelings need to be fed, are these thoughts still true? or are they (again) one of those feelings that are only important at that point of time, forgotten once the feeling is weak.

i've always wanted to write, to record the chronology of my life. i'd wanted to write about everything, when the feeling was strong, when the words kept coming. but i never started.

it might have been too much movies and fictions, but i've always wanted to be able to learn about myself if i lose my memory one day. and i hope that by writing, i'd be able to do so.
cause even if i don't lose my memory 'one day', someday, in future, i might not remember the things i use to know, the things that i know i should remember.

i think i know myself best. i know the devil in me. i know the angel who fights occasionally. and i know that i'm the biased judge between the devil and the angel in me. so if i don't write to tell myself about myself, no one would be in a better position to tell me who i am than myself.

however, because devil and angel always debates, i'm sometimes confused. i can't define myself. i wonder if i'm more of devil or angel. or maybe i should just accept it that i'm the combination of both, just like any other people.

i wonder ...
is it time to start?
is this where to start?
what should i start with?
what did i plan to start with?