changes

are they good or bad?

i know i'll think they happened for good, sometime in future...

a self-motivated walk.jog.cycle to/at the park

i surprised myself yet again.

first, for having a sudden urge to go cycling at the park out of the blue.

i was in bed surfing and basically doing nothing productive when the thought crossed my mind.

and since it looked like the sun was not gonna come out from its hiding until it sets, it was fairly easy to coax that lazy ass to get off the bed. and i did!...successful drag myself up - so that is second.

and third, and most importantly; for a record-breaking first time, i brisk-walked and jogged all the way to the park...alone, which i'd normally hail a cab or take a bus to. tsk tsk tsk. *pats my own back*

what else can i say.

"good job, kel. keep up the good work".

fourth, when i finally reached the park, i was sweating as if i was standing in the shower. okay, that's exaggerating. but i've probably only perspired like that...erm....say...twice in my life.

but it's all worth it; for the view i got, the air i breathed in, for the feel-good...yeah, it's the feel-good factor again. i felt alive!

caught this while i was cycling. quality of picture could be better. the actual view was 10times more breathtaking than this. use some imagination.

what's fifth?

i thought i was gonna take a cab back home from the park. but guess what? i got a FREE ride back. weee!

*************************

"where there is a will, there is a way"???

yes it worked this time. but how come it never worked when it came to the books? sigh...

(oh, this kinda post should not end with a sigh)

anyways.

.wish me luck.

will tell you what it's all about...someday

*pray pray*

mirror, mirror on the wall *bash bash*

low and grey clouds, with a chance of teardrops and a thunderstorm

*******************

i stand before this piece of reflective glass.

i focus elsewhere but the forehead.

my focus drifts back to those hideous bumps - not two but too many that i thought if i did not count the exact number, it wouldn't cut me that deeply. but i guess it makes no difference. i'm crushed already.

i want to cry out loud. i want to smash the glass. literally. i want to conceal those loathsome monsters. but what good does it do? NONE. and in fact, all the more harm instead.

i'm devastated. and you won't understand.

i'm desperate, knowing there's nothing much i can do but watch on and pray for an improvement.

*in the black hole*

i'm falling down. down. down. down....down...i'm so far down. i look up. it's all just pitch black. and more darkness beneath me.

***

let me stop thinking.

push. push. push...and i managed.

yes, i did it again!
35 on the stepper: 35 on the threadmill.
5mins of progress respectively.

after a sumptuous breakfast buffet at the brasserie this morning, i went out to Penny Mart to get some goodies to bring back home on my next trip back. came back to the hotel to surf the net and buried my nose in the novel for several hours before hitting the gym.

it's been exactly 10 days since the last work out. so i didn't push myself too far when i first got on the stepper. got the ipod music playing and began from a speed of 2mph to 5, back to 3, and maintaining speed there, then gradually pushing to 7, 8 and then 9. too fast! i almost got pushed forward when i tried to slow down too abruptly. went back to 4 and 5 and maintained.
30mins was over without much of a struggle this time. pheww~
summary of stepper work out: 10 laps with an average speed of 5.49mph in 35mins. not bad. not bad at all.

took 3mins off walking around, surveying the gym equipments. checked out the speed this caucasian man was on, on the threadmill: 12.5kph!!! madness! when will i ever get there. (this is rhetorical)

on the threadmill - started with an incline of 1.5% - 2.0% with speed of 5.0kph. brisk-walked while holding on to my novel, and when i look back on the machine's screen, 15mins had passed. whoa, wasn't that some good distraction? put my novel down and changed speed. jogged at 6.0kph and ran at 7.5kph. pushed myself to jog and run for 5-7mins. i remembered the first time i was on the threadmill, 1 min of jogging at that speed felt like forever and i could feel my organs swapping places. this time, i could focus and control both my breathing and tension in the muscles. tsk tsk tsk~ i certainly am seeing light at the end of this journey. *pat pat*
last 5mins on the threadmill, speed was steadily slowing down to cool me down. body is perspiring profusely. my damp clothes hanged on me. but i felt GOOD! apparently, it only takes a little coaxing, motivation, and dragging that lazy ass off the bed/chair to the gym, and the feel-good effect is a 1-hr money-back guarantee.
summary of threadmill work out: 7laps with an average speed of 5.37kph in 35mins (including cool down period).

with my favorite playlist on the play; instead of seeing trees and building pass me by in a blur, i 'saw' flashback of memories triggered by each songs, flicker like an old film before me. yes...that's how sentimental i get even when working out.

ok...its dinner time now that i've skipped lunch.

i deserve better

pushing the limits

woke up in GMT+5:30 today.

stayed to laze in bed with my nose in the book for an hour or so.

for once, before the tummy started growling, swung myself off the bed to wash up. then snacked on a pick-me-up bar, a hotdog bun and a cup of hot milo. and, before the determination ran weak, i changed into my gym gear (oh, doesn't this sound new?) and headed to the gym downstairs. did the stepper for 30mins followed by another 30 on the treadmill. burnt over 50Kcal/5mins. that's what the machine says. don't be laughing at this amateur gym-goer.

and since i'm blogging about my first 'steps' in the gym, i better make sure i follow through with more 'steps' in this 'journey' to stay fit...and 'stress-free'. *wink

D.E.S.S.E.R.T.S .am.i.

apparently, to most people, sex seems to be the first resort to destress. when you rant about how stressful work is to your colleagues, they'd tell you: "go home and have a good one. you'll feel brand new tomorrow." that, or, if your colleague has been a bitch at work one day, you'd say: "she must have not gotten laid in a whole long week."

i think, no. sex or making love (to show some respect to the act) is only a temporary relieve from the on-going stress. yes, when you're at it, you get transported to another world/heaven/hell/the in-betweens, or wherever, you name it. but that's only for as long as it lasts. in the end, nothing but your endorphin level changes, and you still return to your routine.

hmm...who am i kidding now? aren't all forms of destress-ing strategies just a temporary diversion from the root cause of the problem? so there goes. i have to contradict myself within a minute- ok. so maybe de-stressing strategies like the one mentioned above does help a bit, in some ways. but it ain't gonna help me this time around. i need a permanent fix instead of a momentary relieve. if i went on allowing myself this sort of diversion, i'd be relying on it forever, like going round in a loop and never tackling the core of the anxiety-causing problem. i know the solution, or i think i know, because i've been procrastinating trying it. yeah! i know i deserve feeling like shit, down with this self-caused stress.

i'm not gonna name the cause or solution but let me use this analogy to liken my situation: today, i have a pile of clothes waiting to be folded before being stowed away in the closet. i put them aside because i have other 'more important' things to do, eg: spending time with my sister, going to the gym, brainstorming a new recipe etc...like real! what's more important than facebook-ing and hanging out with friends. so, tomorrow, i have another pile of clothes on top of today's pile because i'm meeting some friends to go for a breakfast, lunch, and dinner buffet. and the following day, my schedule will be too packed with mani, pedi and facial appointments to tend to that piling clothes.

hence, with the buildup, the burden gets heavier each day. of late, it has come to an extend where i feel it in my body, see it in my face. on the body, it's a strange kind of hot flushing sensation at my back, right through the chest area. on the face is are ...sigh...unmentionables. not even the world's best concealer can do its job. sigh x10,000.

this whole stress thing has been bothering me, being at the back of my mind in the day, and haunting me in my dreams. today, i said, E.N.O.U.G.H! or rather, i went to 'find answers'. here are some that i remembered:

#1 claimed most sophisticated, up to the minute, cutting edge science is self-healing, eg: exercise, healthy diet and regular sleep, none of which is anywhere close to my 27 years 15years (maybe the first 12 years when i wasn't put in charge of my life, i might have had a healthy diet and regular sleep) of daily practise.

#2 "work in a career you love" - i've been plotting my next move since last year. let's not go here 'cuz this just might be the root of the root of my stress.

#3 having the me-time, doing the things you love to do but have not made time to. prioritize them and enter top 5 items in daily calendar - hmm...i shall ponder on this right now. in random order,

item1: go to the park by the beach. indulge in my favourite novel.

item2: go to the park by the beach. cycle while listening to my favourite songs.

item3: go to the park by the beach. have a picnic.

item4: ...(stuck at item4 for 72secs) maybe it's too late to think of more. maybe i'm just easily contented. but i can't be doing all these 3 everyday. i'll get sick of them in no time. maybe i'm not easily contented after all.

(ting! *lightbulb lights*)

item5: turn out the lights. light some scented candles and scatter them around the room. fill the room with slow soothing jazz. play sudoku. or take a bubble bath.

after so much of blabbering; if i think i need order in my life, do you think it's just an excuse for an escape?

everyday. every minute.

it's that way, isn't it? isn't it.

have i told you i'm selfish too?

'space-travelling'

"service 3, next bus in 10mins".
10mins is a long time to be waiting.

fished out my novel and started reading from where i last stop, taking occasional peeks to make sure i don't miss the service 3. i'd usually start 1 page or so ahead of where i stopped, lest i miss a fraction of the story.
bus arrived on time. got up. took a seat and went back to my fictitious world.

was well engrossed until i felt the bus pulled to a halt. being shaken up from the hypnosis of the book, it took me several seconds to finally take in the surrounding when i looked up around me. felt like a lost clown.
crap! how long have i been consumed in this novel. how many stops has this bus seen already? where am i now? have i missed my stop?
scouted the area for familiar landmarks and saw block 102D. and i was going where? 102B or C, thereabouts. (i'll know the building when i see it) damn, i hate to walk back!
too late! the bus door slid close. argh! next stop then.

kept my eyes on the road and buildings around until the bus took a turn and, THERE, is my stop, silly! clearly wasn't thinking straight with that abrupt shift in my mind space.

phew~ how dangerous was 'space-travelling'. realized i do that a lot. whenever i'm engrossed in a book, i get carried away, travelling to an imaginary space; in this instance, the world of clare and henry, in the time traveler's wife

hmmm... :)

what's the point of erasing when you know it by heart

this old friend

am sitting here in the cold. shivering...

had a sudden urge to reread some old messages. 89 threads or thereabouts of exchanges...and i'm just 3/4 done. it's ironic how time can change so many things in life; and i'm specifically speaking of my emotions, and the things that cross my mind while reading the same piece of message now and then. those heart-wrenching moments are now replaced by mere acknowledgement that it's all history. flashbacks of mostly good memories come flooding back like an old film flashing before my eyes. and i nod back at them like old friends. it was a past that had broken me into pieces once, (i vaguely remember those ugly moments; and am definitely not digging further into the pit of my memory for them) but of course i've grown from it. i wont say i'm thankful but i'm certainly glad for the memories that i'll bring along down this road.

now, being back in a somewhat similar situation, and with a clearer mind at this moment, i'd call it a cliche - sad i am but none the less wiser.

it'll soon be over and then, i'll look back and smile at it like an old friend who dropped by to teach me a lesson.

--------------------------------------

it must be human nature to be curious.
how else would you know if it was a box of chocolate or a pandora's box if you didn't try to take a peek.

sw shared, and i had to shoutout

"if the world was just going to punish me for my choices, it shouldn't have given me options in the first place"

so true

when i thought it'd be clear skies for a little while longer...

it rains.

kelly is listening to...

leave right now - will young

it's a beautiful day

today has been partly cloudy with light winds...almost perfect with the sun occasionally peeking from behind the clouds.

i can go to dreamland with a smile on my face.

goodnight :)

iGoogle

i'm blogging from iGoogle for the first time. isn't that amazing? or not.

anyway, just a shoutout for today:
if the magic is gone, cease looking for it from the same place. look elsewhere.

it's been raining alot lately

but the sun will shine soon.
and a rainbow will form in the horizon.
just as there's always a silver lining behind every cloud.

----------------------------------------------

and here's the quote of the day:

"Life's challenges are not supposed to paralyze you; they're supposed to help you discover who you are."

by Bernice Johnson Reagon

not tonight, tomorrow night or the night after that

good night...

goodnight, you

the one with the sick cat and an amateur nurse

alarm went off at 11am this morning. it's time to haul this lazy ass off bed. washed up and checked on sis before heading for groceries shopping with a growling tummy. came back SGD30 poorer but 3 bags-full, tummy's still growling. unloaded the stuff on the kitchen top and nursed that noisy tummy with strawberry yogurt and banana. sis seemed to look better and temperature dropped from 38.1 deg last night to 36.4 deg this morning.

with a happy tummy, i began with my day's task - to cook bee hoon soup for sis. after another successful 'first-time' on a new recipe in the kitchen, the day fast forwarded with me slacking with my lappy (as usual), eating, making more food, eating again, cleaning up, check on sis (looks fine), indulging in a tub of haagen dazs macadamia (tempting her to get well soon), and other insignificant stuff.

msn tab blinked for attention. sis says: temperature hiked to 37.5 deg. feeling feverish again. aiyo~ besides resting, drinking lotsa water, more visits to the loo, taking 6grams of effervescent vit c twice a day, keeping room ventilated, and letting the body perspire, i couldn't think of anything else. then i remembered i had some sorta cooling pad, supposedly helps to reduce fever.

found it but it was unintelligible. had to google for the instructions since sis argued that it needs to be refrigerated. 'gongs' sis. trying to confuse me. luckily i know how to google: http://headaches.about.com/cs/management/gr/be-koool.htm

- dinner time -

psst!

here's a quote i'd like to share with you today:

"most of us miss out on life's big prizes. the pulitzer. the nobel. oscars. tonys. emmys. but we're all eligible for life's small pleasures. a pat on the back. a kiss behind the ear. a four-pound bass. a full moon. an empty parking space. a crackling fire. a great meal. a glorious sunset. hot soup. cold beer. don't fret about copping life's grand awards. enjoy its tiny delights. there are plenty for all of us."

my personal favourite:

- a pat on the head or a light touch/lift beneath the chin

- a peck on the forehead or a passionate kiss right in the middle of nowhere (kiss like nobody's watching)

- i don't fish but would love to do it one fine day, and i'd already be jumping over half a pound of bass or whatever i can get (just don't gimme a shoe)

- hmm..how about the reflection of a full moon over a beautiful creek

- an empty parking space...yes!

- a group of friends seated around a crackling bonfire, by the beach

- a glorious sunset, by the beach

- hot tomato soup

- chilled can of coke

and i won't mope over the oscar.

what's your favourite?

people i meet

...at my work place.

it's possibly the many short turnarounds that i've been doing off late, that inspired me tonight.

i shall start by saying that, being in this job, i meet more people than i would in any 9-5hr's job.

to prove that, let us do some simple (or not) mathematics.

on an average 9-5 job, we meet our familiar circle of colleagues on a daily basis, every weekday. say, you work in an MNC that has 200 employees in the state where you work, you probably meet/interact with at most 20 people from your department and other departments that you deal with daily. and you will continuously deal with the same people each day, with possibly an average of 1 or 2 new faces each day, if you're handling a new project or if we assume a higher than average turnover of employees in your company. therefore, with 20 same faces plus 1 or 2 new faces you meet in a day, can we make a rough estimation that you will meet at most 30 (20 old + 10 new) people in a week? hence, can we conclude, 60 people in a month [20 old + (10 x 4weeks)]? yes, we can.

where i work, i meet new faces everytime i go for work. (is it a good or bad thing? it's gotta be a deliberation for another time) only in rare ocassions do i meet a familiar face. and even so, it's not easy to put a name to that face.

simply because:

1. we meet too many people. (we'll do that 'simple' math in a bit) OR

2. we might have met this familiar face 1 week ago? (possibly still fresh) 1 month ago? 1 year ago? 3 years? (that's probably too long to even trigger the mind to think 'familiar', unless the person has left a somewhat lasting impression by being either too damn good looking or too damn ugly!..or..the list could go on)

here's the math:

- each time i go to work, i will meet at least 10 people* (22 at most - but we shall do the math based on the smaller number). so let's give an average of 16 per day-at-work. [(10 + 22)/2]

- say, i work 8-9 times in a month, that would be 16 x 8 = 128 people in a month.

(*the number refers to colleagues only. excluding customers whom we would have interactions with - some of whom end up being our pen-pals, friends, close friends, boy/girl friends, spouse)

that is a whooping double...the amount of people an average worker meets.

now, give yourself a pat on your back if you've read this far and manage to grasp 70% of what you've read.

i'd say it's...a good thing..not a bad thing ...it's an eye-opener. to meet/work with different people - people of different nationalities, colours, ethnicities, and upbringing that sets us all apart but brings us together to work as a team (supposedly).

i say so because, it is not the difference in our language or our beliefs that brings us down as a team, but the multitude of attitude noticeable in different people working in the team. from my 3years of experience, i've seen both extremists in the people i work with; from the sloth to the hyper and everything in between. the sloth wouldn't be bothered that his/her colleagues had to cover his job while he sloths away, sitting around, pigging-out, or being M.I.A somewhere. the hyper wouldn't be bothered that he/she drives a slave of everyone who works with him. he's over obsessed with the black and whites of company rules and regulations. he breathes down the neck of colleagues by expecting everyone to work by the book instead of working with practicality and common sense. and hence, he soars in his job in the expense of his teammates.

it is a good thing we do not meet these extremists every time, yet still have them around. the former, for obvious reasons. the latter; so that we appreciate the kind and understanding souls we work with. though, this only applies to my job. if you had a direct-reporting superior who breathes down your neck for 8hours every work day, i wish you self-control and perseverance.

today's "mountaneous" task

before

after 3 songs

if there's a will, there's a won't, but there's also a way

serve's me right

the one about birthdays and wishes

祝我生日快乐: Wish me a happy birthday

我知道伤心不能改变什么
Wo zhi dao shang xin bu neng gai bian shen me
I know that sadness will not be able to change anything
那么让我诚实一点
Na me rang wo cheng shi yi dian
If that's the case, then let me be honest a little bit
诚实难免有不能控制的宣泄
Cheng shi nan mian you bu neng kong zhi de xuan xie
To be honest that's it's difficult to avoid an unruly betrayal
只有关上了门不必理谁
Zhi you guan shang le men bu bi li shei
I can only close the door and ignore the world
一个人坐在空的包厢里面
Yi ge ren zuo zai kong de bao xiang li mian
Sitting alone inside this empty space
手机让它休息一夜
Shou ji rang ta xiu xi yi ye
Let the cellphone rest for a night
难,想切割切掉回忆的画面
Nan, xiang qie ge qie diao hui yi de hua mian
[So] Difficult, [I feel like] cutting off all the frames of memory
眼泪不能流过十二点
Yan lei bu neng liu guo shi er dian
These tears can no longer shed past Midnight
生日快乐 我对自己说
Sheng ri kuai le wo dui zi ji shuo
Happy birthday, I said to myself
lf蜡烛点了
La zhu dian le
[As] The candles are blown
寂寞亮了
Ji mo liang le
Loneliness lit up
生日快乐
Sheng ri kuai le
Happy birthday
泪也融了
Lei ye rong le
Tears are melted away
我要谢谢你给的你拿走的一切
Wo yao xia xia ni gei de ni na zou de yi qie
I want to thank for all that you gave and took away
还爱你带一点恨
Hai ai ni dai yi dian hen
Having to love you still, carries a little scar
还要时间
Hai yao shi jian
Only time
才能平衡
Cai neng ping heng
Can heal the wound
热恋伤痕
Re lian shang hen
Passionate love leaves painful traces
画面重生
Hua mian chong sheng
As the picture replays
祝我生日快乐
Zhu wo sheng ri kuai le
Wish me a happy birthday

googled the lyric of this song that was dedicated to me during a ktv session on my birthday - and voila, it comes with the pin-yin and a not-so-accurate english translation, but explains the song to a 'banana' like me nonetheless.

what a sad song. how to have a happy birthday like that? when emily and ruth were singing the song, i was picturing myself with one lonesome candle on a puny cake, celebrating my birthday in my room with my forever friends teddy bear...aiyo~ poor me.

but of course, the truth was far from that drama. it was in fact a happy celebration of my 27th (ouch!) birthday. on top of an early celebration with my closest friends and lotsa greetings from my dearest family and friends, i had a surprise mini celebration before the clock striked 12.

some say it's a girl thing. i want to believe it's an individual grounding and idea; (sounds better, doesn't it?) the fact that birthday wishes that we make before blowing out the candle(s) on the cake on the real day has better chances of coming true, or is at least more justifiable. don't you think? if it's a birthday wish, and it's made on any other day, then it's not a birthday wish anymore. period.

anyway, banters aside, thank you all for the wishes. i had a wonderful birthday.

it rained again today..

and i just want to sleep in until the sun rises tomorrow

it rained today...

because you're not here

brekkie in a haste

french toast with maple syrup, bananas and strawberries. milk. OJ.

was suppose to fine dine on this wholesome brekkie when i got an sms from emily: "see you downstairs in 5 mins". and i was still in my pj. gosh, i gobbled them up like a glutton. but yes! i wiped out yet another meal. and it was YUMMY! *slurp*

lao tse says...

"the journey of a thousand miles begins with one step."

what more, this is my second step already.

i just had a bread with butter and kaya, a banana, a strawberry and a glass of fresh milk!

another record. *smiles* no photo proof though, since it was an impromptu decision to grab those few bites immediately after i got out from shower. first it was the banana, then as i was finishing it, i had a craving for bread with butter and kaya. then i needed to pop in a strawberry to add flavor. and i thought, i might as well down a glass of milk to flush them down.

hmmm...i could go on taking baby steps like this. *pat pat*

who says you can't have breakfast at dinner time?

here's my brekkie at 2045 today:

maple pecan granola with fresh strawberries and milk

yes. i had a sumptuous dinner of curry fish, stir fried chicken and long beans with rice, 2hours before this. and yes. i finished my dinner. am i crazy doing things out of my norm? yes and no. yes, i have do stop skipping meals like i always do and eat whatever, whenever i feel like eating (like now). no, i'm not crazy. i'm on a weight gaining mission.

and what you can do is support, feed and keep me motivated along the way until we finally see a desirable result. deal?

living with ants

guilty as charged. i just killed a batallion of ants. it seems i've been doing this almost every time i come home from a long flight...yeah, with a can of Shieldtox in hand, i'll go ant-busting in the kitchen, and end up having to clean up the mess and every pots and pans and all other crockery that might be covered with Shieldtox, lest i end up poisoning my housemates.

damn! they're still giving me the creeping itch all over. *scratch* i just hate them creepy crawlies. and when you get them swarming all over the wall *brush* and corners of the closets (good thing it's the kitchen cabinets and not my room)...you just want to get the hell rid of them all.

*swat* now i'll need the expert to come looking for their breeding nest and wipe the entire colony off, once and for all. and before that's done, i'll probably snap a picture of these disgusting pest when they start venturing out in their troops again. wait up for the photos and we can *scratch scratch* together.

so this is how happy is suppose to be

time should pause for me.
this mustn't end too soon.
this light-headedness. this smile. this cosy couch i'm on. this music playing in the background.
i won't ask for more, except for one more endless moment like this.
i could go on like this forever...could even go on an empty stomach. damn, i'll be too busy indulging in goodness to have to get up and find food.

but i just had to share this euphoric moment with you here...
hmm...isn't it amazing what a good book can do to a person?

*smiles*
i'm grateful for days like this.

sometimes you just have to carry on

spare a moment for these piece. allow it to sink in.

we all encounter moments when we think we just can't go on; when we blame anything and everything, and even ourselves for the trials we are going through. if you are going through that point in your life, i hope this helps you...

when life hands you a surprise and you wind up somewhere you didn't plan on being, maybe it's time to stop and rest, read some good books, regroup, and stop trying so hard. do some things you may not have taken the time to do for yourself before. take time to study; all of us need to be constantly growing in wisdom. feed your soul by being quiet, by just being rather than doing.

try not to worry or fuss or fume. try to look at this situation as a challenge rather than an obstacle, a time to develop patience. say to yourself: "i can handle this. this is not too big for me." realize you can change your attitude even if you can't change the circumstances.

look closely at your troubles. don't let them cause you to give up. befriend them. say: "i'm not afraid. i'm going to learn from you." feel them lose their power over you. allow them to teach you some lesson you needed to learn and move on.

you're going to deal with this. you're going to uncover some things about yourself even you didn't know. you're going to find strength you didn't know you had and grace to handle whatever comes along.

just remember that everything changes, so it's just a matter of time until this trial will be over and you will draw strength from the knowledge that even though life handed you challenge, you survivedl you carried on.

- donna fargo

FREEDOM at last...

got my test result today and as the title suggests, the door to my cage has finally open.
what more can i say.
thank you for keeping me in your prayers.

-------------------

i once stumbled upon this quote while surfing the net, and i thought it'd be nice to share. so, here goes:-

“Do not spoil what you have by desiring what you have not; remember that what you now have was once among the things you only hoped for.”
-Epicurus (Greek philosopher, BC 341-270)

this is what you do...

when you get locked within 4 walls for 24 hours:
1. take pictures of every meal you're served with
2. post them on your blog
3. write 3-4 entries in your blog in 8hours
4. surf the net until nothing interests you anymore
5. disturb friends at work
6. try and fail, then try and fail again to focus on important things like your books
and lastly...
7. stare at the goddamn phone...argh..i'm going crazy. i need to get out.

snack time: strawberries in manuka honey, collon strawberry biscuit roll, yakult

dinner: seafood hor fun, orange juice

the limit

initially, it feels all right just being in the room. it's a comfy place no doubt. i could spend hours on my lappy. and now that i have a new game to keep me occupied, time could really fly.

but...(here's the inevitable 'but') after almost 22 hours of complete shut-out from the real world, i'm beginning to fidget on my seat, staring at the phone as if willing it to ring. it seems the virtual world of the internet can only help that much.

why aren't they calling me??!! call me! call me!

at least let me know the outcome, whatever it may be. i had enough of waiting. how can they keep someone in suspense for so long. especially when it is with regards to the person's health.

2 more minutes to 7pm. and the nurse told me they'd call 'by 7pm'.
ring phone, ring!

my in-room catered lunch

lean meat porridge with baby carrots, apples and strawberries, a cup of manuka honey drink

my first meal specially prepared by dear sis.

THANK YOU...MUAXX

what a day

spent an entire day in clinic and hospital.

been down with a bad sorethroat that developed into the flu since i came back from london 2 days ago. thought i'd rest one full day and be up and running again the following day. but, no. wasn't that lucky. nose-block got worse during the night, had difficulty breathing and sleeping.

woke up after noon, had a bread before going to the clinic (luckily). timing myself to be back in approximately an hour or so after the consultation, i throw my laundry in the washing machine to wash, thinking that i'll be back home as soon as it's done washing to hang them out. then i left for the clinic.

as part of the procedure, i was asked to fill in a form pertaining to my whereabouts in the past 2 weeks and my current health condition. since i just came back from london, one of the city that is categorized as an affected area for local transmission of h1n1, i had to be isolated from the rest of the patients in the clinic.

from then on, everything feels abnormal...never have i been through any of these situations before. so, i've no knowledge whatsoever to prepare myself for anything ahead of me.

the doctor came into the 'special' room that i was put in, and did the usual stuff; check temperature, check throat, check breathing and then he showed me the list of affected areas and told me that he will have to send me to the hospital for screening of the h1n1 influenza since i was just back from the UK, with the flu. i was especially stunned when he mentioned about arranging a transport for me to the hospital.

i ask, "what transport?".
he said, "an ambulance".
"can i just take a cab there?", just trying my luck.
but of course, i know i was being ridiculous. it's a procedure and it's all over the news already.

i sat there in the room wondering how it's like to be in an ambulance. how embarassing to be walking into one...

was asking sis over sms, "will there be a brown paper bag for me to put over my head?"
sis says, "yeah, you probably need one so that if any reporter wants to interview you, you'd be glad you have the bag on since you don't have your make up on."
damn! is that all i am, a vain pot?

...it's a different story if you're on a stretcher. anyway, let's not go where it's sensitive. no one wants to be in an ambulance.

i waited for 3 to 4 torturing hours within the four walls of the room.

ambulance finally came. got the weird eye from passer-bys. what an awkward moment. glad i had my spectacles and the face mask on. but even if i hadn't, no one would know me. it's just a sense of security knowing you're masked.

to cut a long story short (although it's already long enough), will let the pictures do the talking...(promise to take better pictures next time)

civic ambulance welcomes you on board

for those who has never been and will never be in an ambulance...it's creepy being in here, imagine what the interior has seen...

and here's the temporary set-up for patients with h1n1 symptoms. the ambulance drop-off point is right outside here instead of the usual A&E entrance. it all feels so alien to me. but the doctors and nurses are nice and caring. imagine the long and stressful hours they have to endure...and then they still maintain that warmth. 10 points for them.

this will be the holding area where patients wait for their medications, results, or an ambulance to bring them back home

each patient gets his/her own table 2metres away from another. as you can see, the patients' area is equipped with a bin for your used-tissues and other trash, a bottle of sanitizer, a box of tissue and an attendant call-bell.

and on the surface of the table is this note. read.

after a few more hours of waiting, i was sent home in another ambulance. was told to be put on home quarantine. meaning, i'll have to isolate myself from the general public until the hospital informs me of my test result which is out within 8-24hours. in this case, as i'm staying with my housemates instead of my family, it's just right that i do not leave my room so to not have any contacts with them.

funny thing is...(i still find it amusing even though this is all suppposed to be taken seriously) i have to lock myself in my room and sis will 'deliver' food to my 'doorstep'. i'll open the door. retrieve the stuffs. close and lock myself back in.

lucky thing is...i have an attached bathroom in my room. otherwise, there'll be additional precautionary steps to be taken to answer nature's calls instead of the usual few-steps.

from small talks with the attending doctors and one of the hospital staff, i gathered that at least 700-800 patient's suspected with the h1n1 flu are sent to the hospitals from clinics all over singapore for screening, each day. with this overwhelming number, it's no wonder why the ambulance took 4hours to reach the clinic i was at. i just hope that they'd have standbys for emergencies. one thing i discovered from this whole experience is that the asian countries are well prepared for pandemics like this ever since the catastrophic SARS hit. we can only hope that the current situation doesn't get worse.

NOW that all is said and done, it's bedtime for the sick cat.

this one small part of my life called contentment

half the day has just passed here in london but it's one of the nicest half-day already.

why?

had the food i've been craving for - gold mine duck rice...mmmm yummz..taste still ingers in my mouth...*burp*...mmm...i can grow fat with this indulgence...

will i ever get sick of it if i get to have duck rice everyday? i don't know about this. but i guess you appreciate the things more when you have to work hard for it, eg: having to walk an approximate-13-tiresome-hours to finally get to enjoy a nice huge portion of tender succulent 'ngap-pei' (duck leg) with rice...*slurp*..makes me salivate just typing it..sigh, why have i never snapped a picture of this awesome meal? i'll try to do it next time around...when my mind manages to slot in 'take a picture' over 'savour the meal now' on its priority to-do list.

apart from the duck rice, the before and after serving of a bowl of pork rib steamed soup and a plate of sweet and juicy cut oranges makes the 3-courses meal a to-die-for meal. i could walk several more 13hours...

after filling up a more than contented tummy, went for a walk at hyde park. the weather was GREAT. cloudy skies + cool breeze + the lush green and bright blue combination of colors makes me wanna sing and skip along like a child.

along the way, something caught my attention. it was a profound sound made by this 13-feet tall tree as its leaves ruffled in the strong wind. being medium in size, the sound was indeed thunderous..like a forest within a single tree. i had to stop in my step to check it out. hmmm, wish i could share this on video but unfortunately, i got too carried away.

apparently, nice weather makes happy people. i could sit in this soul soothing sunshine for hours taking in this naive beauty of nature.

so there you go, yummy duck rice and a nice walk in the park (and how could i forget, a great company cum camera man)...makes half my day.
i'm grateful for life.

- more picture updates soon -

the slow death of you

my lappy either almost died on me or it was transforming...

ok..it was probably the transformer trailer that got my mind sidetracked. but it freaked me out with the sound it made as i was busy typing on notepad. i was so stunned by that strange sound that i didn't know which button to press when i brought out my handphone to record the sound. i thought my hard disk was going to die on me, again. and there was nothing i could do. the sound was like a small engine running. and the only time i hear noises coming from my lappy was when my hard disk really KO-ed. but from my knowledge, hard disk makes clicking sound...not this engine-running kinda thing. will try to post the sound clip once i find out how (IF my lappy survives a few more days til i get back to singapore). it's scary. crossed my mind to call the technical support toll-free line but realized my 3years complete cover warranty has already expired. damn!

the other strange thing is the 'engine stopped running' when i pressed CTRL + S on notepad. but what has the notepad application gotta do with sounds coming out from the left-hand side of my lappy? sigh...

is this a sign telling me that it's time to let my poor donkey R.I.P and get a replacement now? "nooo..", says bank account and pocket.

doin' it all wrong

life actually

when you've finished watching a movie, do you let it slide or do you allow it to bring you into its world of fantasy and make-believe?

do you stop yourself from imagining how life would be, if...?
do you tell yourself to stop dreaming because it doesn't happen in the real world?

when you become a parent, will you tell you son/daughter to make 'realistic' dreams? dreams that are 'achievable'? what are dreams that are achievable...and what aren't? will you have to slowly shape their thoughts to where you think goals are reachable or do you believe that they will eventually realize they've woven for themselves shoes too big to fill?

when you lie in bed and your mind begins to whip up castles in cloud nine, is it only right to pull the strings back to reality? because in reality, you have responsibilities to hold...?

or maybe...just maybe...you should just dream big and throw caution to the wind...